Ahhh 2017, it’s only been, what, 2 weeks and a half and I’m already doing so much and flipping tables!
As some of you know, I’m on a hair rediscovery journey where I have stopped straightening my hair and attempting to learn my curly hair and battle all of this internalized racism I have been taught since childhood, it’s been wild!
But, also, I have been given some information that have led me to make the decision to ask my followers/readers for help.
“My name is Aurelie Nix, I am a freelance writer located in Montreal Canada, a queer, disabled, woman of color and what could be considered an “online activist”. I am the person behind the blog A Woman on the Internet, an intersectional feminist platform.
In 2010, on December 23, I received the news that my mother (my aunt, the woman who raised me, who lived her entire life sick with cancer) had died in the night from her cancer that had returned yet another time. I hadn’t been made aware that she was sick again, and the news were broken to me through an email. At that time, I was out out the country and unable to afford a flight to attend her funeral or say the goodbye that I should have been able to say to her in person, and it broke my heart and affected me in ways I simply cannot explain.In the years that have passed, I have never been able to return and I have never been able to talk to my grandmother, grieve with her, be with her, simply due to the fact that she lives on her farm, with an entire ocean separating up, with no internet or phone. Through the years, I have been told that she has given up on live since the death of her daughter, and it has broken my heart even further to not be able to be there with her or for her, to take care of her pain a little bit. Not only am I unable to talk to her, and unable to visit, I was never told there her farm is, and since being forced to cut off contact entirely with my family due to abuse, no one has ever been able nor willing to give me that information.
This is where the idea of this fundraising came up. A few nights ago, I received some information from an uncle bylaw that my mothers house, a house I had been told had been sold along with all of her belongings, actually hadn’t been sold and was currently abandoned. Futhermore, I was told that my grandmother was still alive, yes, but was very unwell. She doesn’t visit the city anymore, doesn’t talk to anyone at all, and that nobody really knows how long she has left, but things aren’t looking good at all. Although the information that I was given, I had been seeking for years, it only served to an added weight on my conscience, because time feels limited, and I still cannot afford to visit especially due to my health and my recent hospitalization.
It’s one thing to lose a parent, and it’s another to lose a parent unexpectedly, but it is an entirely different thing to lose a parent unexpectedly and never be able to see the places you used to go to, visit their house, relive the memories, or even visit their grave. If there is one way that I can describe it, is that it feels as if you’re not allowed to grieve at all. I long to see my grandmother, to cry with her, to miss my mother together, to learn about my grandmothers past and our identities as aboriginal Amazigh women, to be able to sit down and be with her before she is gone the way that I wasn’t able to be with my mother.
I’ve been encouraged by a lot of people from the A Woman on the Internet Facebook page, to make a fundraiser so that people could help. So that I could make the trip I have never been able to afford.The money goal of this fundraising would consists of a plane tickets for Rabat, Morocco for myself as well as for my partner (since I cannot and do not feel comfortable traveling alone with all of my health problems and without a companion), and a portion of the cost of staying at a hotel for 5-6 days since I do not know anyone there that I could stay with. The goal is an approximation as the price of place tickets vary, and since I’m frankly not exactly sure how much it would all cost. If this fundraiser makes this possible, I would be able to visit my mothers home, grave, my grandmothers farm, and be able to be in places and with a person that I should have been able to see years ago. It would make it possible for me to take pictures, relive memories and create new ones, bring to my grandmother pictures of me and my life, tell her about myself, and bring home some of my mothers belongings as well as pictures of her and my grandmother, all of which I do not have and long to have.”
In less than 21 hours, 600$ was raised.
“600$ raised in 21 hours!! I am absolutely in awe at the support, kindness and generosity that I received since I started talking about my current situation and since creating this fundraiser! The goal I calculated is 3500$ and to think that 600$ was already raised in less than 24 hours, I’m absolutely amazed.”
And I am, absolutely amazed. I will continue to share news of the fundraiser and some of the personal things I have found out in 2016 and 2017, and the decisions I am making, the planning and all.
The fundraiser: here