FULL SPOILER REVIEW AHEAD
After a very big delay due to HBO sucking ass and refusing to let Canadians watch their shows, I am back in the game, so without further due, let’s jump right into it.
We begin this episode in Braavos as Lady Crane plays Cersei and watches Joffrey die for the billionth time, but this time, she’s taken Arya’s advice and gives us a little bit of that Lannister rage (but just a bit though). Back into her cabin, she then discovers a badly wounded Arya hiding in her closet. She brings Arya back to her house and…fixes her? I was quite surprise at how quickly Arya seemed to heal considering that she was stabbed a la Jon style, but I guess some patching up and a bit of soup was all that she needed, somehow. Lady Crane gives Arya some milk of the poppy which gets her to sleep.
In the Riverlands some bros from the Brotherhood without Banners are sharing crude jokes, and, well, it’s gross. Sandor shows up and gives us what we’ve all been craving for, some good old justice.
In Meereen, Varys and Tyrion are discussing some various things I tried to care about but more of less failed. Varys isn’t down with making deals with fanatics and I’m 100% behind him. Everything that Tyrion has been doing since reaching Meereen has been utter nonsense to me and I wish he would just either leave, or die. But I know I’m in the minority here. Varys is leaving on some secret expedition to help Daenarys make some westerosi friends, but not before Tyrion reminds him that he is the most famous dwarf in the world (and the man with the biggest ego as well, in my opinion).
Cersei, who is still confined to the Red Keep back in King’s Landing is told that Faith Militant has been allowed in the red keep and are here to tell Cersei that the High Sparrow has demanded to see her. Cersei, who doesn’t take any orders from some nobody’s little bitch refuses and Gregor Clegane decides to rip some bro’s face in half with his bare hands to help his lady’s message to come across. It was fantastic.
Some of my favorite scenes of this episode surprisingly took place in Riverrun as Brienne finally reaches the castle to find Frey and Lannister forces besieging the castle and thus, Brynden Tully aka The Blackfish for who she has some mail. While Brienne enters Jaime’s tent Podrick is reunited with Bronn who jumps on the occasion to make crude comments about Jaime and Brienne possibly fucking because, reasons. I know a lot of people are riding real hard the Brienne and Jaime train, and I used to be one of them originally, until the show runners decided to make Jaime a rapist and a huge dick while still insisting that he’s one of the good guys. Brienne and Jaime obviously don’t agree with their current political views (have they ever?) and Brienne reminds Jaime multiple times where her allegiance lies. She tells him that if she isn’t able to convince the blackfish to give the castle so he can go and protect Sansa, that she and Jaime will have to fight, and we all know who won the first time.
Brienne is allowed inside the castle and although the Blackfish isn’t very trusting to say the least, she’s able to give him the letter that he does seem to recognize comes from Sansa, before refusing anyway.
Back in King’s Landing, Cersei and Qyburn enter the great hall to find a large group of people waiting for some royal announcement. Kevan Lannister lets her know that she isn’t allowed to stand by her son and instead will have to stand with “the other ladies of the court”. Although I can recognize how much of a pain in the ass Cersei is, even I feel bad for her for such disrespect considering ho much Cersei has gone through with in terms of their ideas for “an atonement”. Tommen the brainwash king of the moment makes two announcements. First, Loras and Cersei’s trials will be held in the great sept, and secondly, that trial by combat won’t be a thing anymore and that they will instead be judge by seven septons (because only great things can amount from a gay man and a unfaithful, incestuous woman being judged by seven, old and religious white men) I would like to note that the music during that scene was particularly fantastic.
Back in Meereen Tyrion’s ego continues to give me chronic migraines as he basically praises himself for making sure that slavery continues for a MERE seven years. He attempts to make a few jokes while forcing Missandei and Grey Worm to drink alcohol they have turned down a dozen times now, and his jokes aren’t funny at all. Missandei’s joke is met with mostly silence and confusion, but I giggled really hard because I enjoyed it. Grey Worm’s joke was alright but it was Missandei’s carefree laugh and Grey Worm’s face as he looked at her that made this scene a really nice one to watch. As Tyrion starts to tell a joke we’ve all heard him say way too many times, the city is attacked by the Masters who are here to take what Tyrion has promised them: slaves. People.
Back with Jaime, the episode offered what was quite a difficult scene for me to watch because I wasn’t sure what point the show runners were trying to pass across to us, if there was any point at all. Jaime goes to visit Edmure Tully who is still held captive by both the Freys and the Lannisters and apologizes for the way the Freys have treated him. Edmure, who isn’t really interested in listening to Jaime try to convince himself that he is one of the good guys, tries to shorten the conversation by assuring that his uncle, the blackfish, will never give them the castle. He is told by Jaime that his son was born and that if he convinces his uncle to surrender, his would allow Edmure, his wife and his son to live comfortably in Casterly Rock, to which Edmure replies by asking Jaime how he is able to sleep at night considering how much of an evil and fucked up man he is. Jaime tells Edmure of the time he was Catelyn’s prisoner, and how she showed him respect and did everything that she could for her children, like Cersei would (although that is questionable), and that he admires these qualities, and so, if Edmure refuses him again he would catapult his son onto the castle. Isn’t Jaime just the best?!
And so, Edmure, trying to save his son’s life, tricks the guards into letting him back into the castle against the blackfish’s warning to those same guards which turned out to be right as Edmure orders them right away to lower the gates so that the Frey and Lannister soldiers can come in and take the castle. Meanwhile, the Blackfish helps Brienne and Podrick escape by both bellow the castle before he is killed defending his home. As Brienne and Podrick leave, Jaime notices them and says nothing, he waves at Brienne and Brienne waves at him, and I’m disgusted at this attempt to make Jaime seem conflicted or good, or a man stuck in a situation he can’t get out of. The Jaime of the book is a much different man, this Jaime chooses to be an utter asshole.
Meereen is till under siege and things aren’t doing so well, until Daenarys lands on the top of the pyramid and barges in on Tyrion, Grey Worm and Missandei looking like a mother who is pissed off that she can’t leave for a week-end without her kids destroying everything.
The Hound finds the men he was looking for but they were found by Beric and other men from the Brotherhood. They are nice enough to allow him to kill two out of the tree men, something I was quite surprised about actually, and he does just that. Gregor sticks with them a little longer for some food, pissing and casual conversing where he is told that the brotherhood is fighting for a greater cause because “cold winds are rising in the north”. Sandor doesn’t really believe any of their shit or that they would be able to do anything, but Beric insists that Gregor was born to fight. Also, we saw Gregor’s penis.
The next morning, Lady Crane is murdered by who seemed to be waif in disguised, Arya discovers her blooded body and there begins a very interesting chase scene in the streets of Braavos. I must say, although I did giggle here and then because the waif kept reminding me of the Terminator T-1000, it was very nice to give us something we haven’t had in Game of Thrones before, a classic chase scene with some pretty rad moves and tricks. Arya runs away and goes back to her original hiding spot where….a candle is already lit, which she cuts in order to do her badass I’m used to the dark stuff. The scene moves to Jaquen H’ghar who follows a trail of blood that leads in to the Hall of Faces where he finds the Waif’s cut of faces. Arya, who has needle pointed at him, asks him if he was the one who sent the Waif to kill her, to which he casually responds: yes, followed by asking Arya is “a girl has finally become no one”. Arya replies that “a girl is Arya Stark, and I’m going home” and exists the Hall of Faces in the same fashion that Jon left after declaring that his watch has ended.
8/10 – This episode was well balanced, I enjoyed Cersei, Brienne and Arya finally dropped the whole faceless men storyline.