When the divorce was first announced I watched as almost every single comment called Amber Heard a “slut” “whore” “gold digging whore” even though Johnny Depp was the one in a relationship, with kids, who left his girlfriend for a younger woman. Amber was called so many things, and accused of using Johnny Depp, turns out, he’s a wife beater. Cue all the Johnny Depp fans defending the actor because they like his movies and “he’s not that kind of man”, because we know strangers so well? Stoya, Kesha, Amber, April, Bill Cosby’s 60+ victims to name a few etc. When will ever believe women?
People who accuse women of lying about domestic violence because of reason X, Y and Z don’t seem to understand that domestic violence, abuse, manipulation etc entails. My biological mother was married for 23 years with my biological father. He was abusive since year 1, pushed her in the stairs when she told him she was pregnant, but told him the “gender” of the fetus (aka, me). He was always a charming man, a musician, very intelligent, never rude when people were over, but behind it all, he was an alcoholic who beat his wife every single day, was a pedophile, beat me as well (the perks of being a woman, my father was spared). After 23 years, she divorced him, not for the abuse, not for the violence, not for the fear, but because it was time to for her. He never gave her a penny then, never gave a penny after, she spoke fondly of him, allowed him to see her kids even though the divorce didn’t stop the abuse, simply moved most of it to me.
My biological mother was clearly a woman who struggled, she struggled with making decisions for herself but she also struggled with the guilt that comes with divorcing the father of your three children. She had not job, had moved to a new country she’d never been too because he’d taken a job there, had never worked a day in her life, suddenly she’d be alone with 3 kids with no family or friends. There is a lot more behind the little we know, when we hear of women who stay in abusive relationships, what about the women who marry wealthy men? They will be believed even less, accuse of seeking money, attention etc. This, the way so many people are reaction even though they do not know what an abusive relationship is, what it’s like being in one, that is the reason why so many women, people, stay, because we shame them when they dont.