15 year old Raven, “show me your tits” “bitch” “go slit your wrists and die”

Last week I was approached by a 15 year old girl who wrote to me through the facebook page for “A woman on the internet”, this is an exempt of what she wrote me:

“—I’m 15, not exactly a woman yet, and I was talking to this boy using a web app called textnow. Essentially what happened was we were talking, flirting, and what not then he said “show me your tits” and I lost all respect for him and walked away from that conversation. He claimed it was “just a joke” and then proceeded with name calling, harassment, and anger. I was even told at one point that he hoped I slit my wrists and die. I took screenshots and sent them to a friend, who told me I should send them to you. The kind of thing you talk about on your page isn’t just an issue for women; it’s an even bigger issue for young girls. I’ve been getting this kind of harassment for 3 or 4 years increasingly from young boys and men.”

And Raven was, is, absolutely right. School and communities have started to address bullying in general more and more, yet, they don’t seem to understand that a lot of the younger generation’s live takes place on facebook, twitter, instagram, snapchap, and hundreds of other apps, sites and the sort, basically, they take place online. Raven deals with someone that starts to affects women from gradually younger age groups, because the people, mostly boys, start with this kind of behavior, aggressive and deeply sexist, younger and younger as well. I asked Raven to tell me more about her experience.

Raven: “I meet people all the time through forums, groups, anywhere on the internet. I practice internet safety, I only talk to people who have pictures of themselves sand I goggle search these pictures a couple times over.

I was chatting with this guy. He’s 16 and I’m 15. After a while I felt comfortable enough to text him and because I was using a web app and not a phone, I felt safer. We were having a casual conversation, maybe flirting here and there like teenagers do. Then out of the blue he said something uncalled for “show me your tits”.

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Whenever someone does something like that especially out of nowhere I automatically leave the conversation. After I did he said it was “just a joke”, I told him it made me uncomfortable and that I was pretty sure it wasn’t a joke. You don’t joke about that stuff and you can usually tell because when someone gets defensive about something so quickly they’re trying to cover their tracks. He continued to call me a bitch, a slut, telling me to go kill myself, and so on.

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I told him it was no way to prove his innocence and he just blamed me for pissing him off. Then he told me to go away like I was the one harassing him even after three times before I’d told him to leave me alone. I put up with these kinds of guys on a regular basis, all from different ages and backgrounds.”

Aurelie: “How did it make you feel?”

Raven: “It just felt like I was being really blatantly disrespected. I get really frustrated with this because I very rarely hear about this happening to guys.”

Aurelie: “Does it make you wary of future interactions with other guys? In general, on the internet, in forums and so on?”

Raven: “I’m just used to it. The thing is I worry about meeting guys in real life more because of how they treat me on the internet. It’s easy to block some creep over the internet but if you meet one in real life it can blow up into a very scary situation.”

Aurelie: “That’s very true. Did/do you talk to your friends or family members about this?”

Raven: “I do talk to close friends about it because it’s really hard to admit. A lot of times I feel like I’m lowering my own standards talking to people who treat me that way so often and it’s hard to admit to many people but often times I feel defenceless or like I somehow allow it to happen.”

I reassured her that she was going to remain anonymous, like every woman (and man as well) who decide to write to me for whatever reason, especially to share their stories and experiences. I asked her if she had a name in mind that I could use to tell her story.

She told me: Raven.

And then I asked Raven one last question: “Is there anything, any advice, you’d give to girls/women in the same kind of situation?”

Raven: “Learn and know how to pick up on signs of manipulation and sexual harassment apologists and don’t take that crap. Stick up for yourself if you’re being harassed but if you ever feel endangered just block the person.”

I hope Raven’s story and advice help some women and men better understand how some of the deeply sexist and misogynistic attitudes that we have accepted as a “price” that women have to pay, or something women have to just accept, in order to use/be on the internet, and how it is affecting younger boys, and then younger girls.

Has this happened to you? Or to a friend of yours? Regardless of gender, please let’s continue the conversation.


As Raven most likely will be reading all of this, I invite you all to offer her advice, encouragement, and thanks for sharing her story with all of us. She will remain anonymous, unless she chooses not to, yet please let’s give women support.

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One thought on “15 year old Raven, “show me your tits” “bitch” “go slit your wrists and die”

  1. Be strong, the same thing happened to me at work. I went to the police and that calmed things down for a while. I didn’t block his number because I need to know when he threatens to come to my work. It’s good that you took screen shots so you have a record of it!

    Like

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